A Fresh Start

Today I woke up, thinking to myself, its time I got a haircut...

Yet getting a haircut was not just an act of self maintenance. There was something different about this one. It symbolised a fresh start for me...

As I was heading to school today, I thought about the whole thing thing and it finally hit me. My consciousness finally caught up with my sub-conscious.

I am done grieving. Done feeling bad about myself. Done feeling guilty about things I should not be feeling guilt about. Done being patronised by people I thought who were my friends. I finally felt that its time I finally (and physically) moved on with my life. That was what a simple haircut and shave has done to me today. To physically realise that I am getting back to myself.

And in a way, I finally feel liberated and ultimately happy. Somehow, all the loose ends have been tied and I have finally pulled myself out of all that tangle of political intrigues and issues. Having that huge beard, afro-like hair and that whole dishevelled look about me just made people around me pity me. In a way, I wanted that. I was wracked with self-pity for quite sometime.

I learnt that most people do not care. So why should i? I feel that today I started throwing that truckload of obligations I have been stuffed with out the window. Have I become opportunistic?

Definitely not. To become one is not to return to my old self. I guess, its all about working for a worthy cause and doing things that I feel is worth my time and effort. If i do not see you in my "guest list" then just go and take a hike, I do not really need to bother.

Prakticality is back in the building....

The Jigsaw puzzle we call Life....

They say Life is like a jigsaw puzzle. Each day, u see a piece. Sometimes u see the significance of each piece. Sometimes, you do not even notice that you are in possession of one. Days go by, and the pieces accumulate. Some days, you will lose some pieces. Sometimes, you gain back the possession of the lost pieces. Out of mere coincidence, you will find yourself in epiphany. You will start to realize the picture out of the pieces you have.

Even then, humans as we are, we doubt the picture we see before us. Or we foolishly misinterpret the picture we see. Frustrating as it may be, we rush into conclusions, eager for a quick solution. Maybe, we have waited too long. Maybe, just maybe, we felt that it was time.

There is never a lack of time, only a loss of it. Each day, each hour, each minute, each second, we breathe and exhale the air around us that we can never see till the day we die. Yet, its importance we realize the moment we are born. That is the only wisdom we possess.

I have always believed that Life was in balance. And whatever imbalances we see reflects on our ignorance. We try to be content with our lives with what we have. Yet no one but ourselves will know that we seek greater things, things that are never within our reach. Such is the curse and gift of Man. We say many words. We do not mean most of them but to others they mean the world to them. Such is the curse and gift of Man.

At times we find ourselves waiting for something. Waiting for someone. We sit, our hands on our chins, gazing at the nothing before us. Hoping for something familiar to appear before us that will bring a small smile to our hearts. To relieve the strain placed by grief. And we wait, as time goes by. Unnoticed by all, least of all, by us.

Why is one guilty of something he has no fault in? Why the berating of conscience over things that is beyond our control?

Laughs
Echoes of times long gone
Empty convictions in its tone

Tears
Vessels of our pain
Symbols of feelings slain

Stares
Devoid of any emotion
Blurred by tears in motion.

Insanity is not a state of the mind
Or any other of its kind.
It is merely the thought so bright
That keeps me company at night.

Why fight when none believe in it?
Why the enthusiasm when none share in it?
Why believe when faithlessness is all you see?
Selflessness has walked out of the door, I must agree.

Knock on my door and I will answer.
Don’t expect me to constantly look through my peephole,
To see whether you are coming.
For I shall not expect and be the loser.